Verily! You are in the presence of the Great Mufti

Verily!

Welcome to my blog. If you are an unwashed kufr cross-god worshipper, or a Zionist cur, or a follower of the Hindu elephant god abomination, or a ziggurat worshipping Zoroastrian, or one who has absorbed the lies of the Buddha and his filthy fellow traveller Confucius, or an idolatrous follower of Baal, Moloch or Rephran, or if you follow the drunken oafs that are the Norse gods, or if thou makest sacrifices to Diana, Juno, Jupiter, or even worse, wear the mark of Zeus, be off with you, lest the sword of Allah fall on your bare neck, for this blog is for Muslims only.

And let's get one thing straight, this is for proper Muslims. So if you are a hip-hop star who claimed to be Muslim in order to win some street cred prior to 9/11, but keep the ol' crescent moon tattoo on your shoulder quiet post the glorious martyrdom operation of 9/11, then this blog is not for you. Similarly, if you are Muslim when you fight the local kids at the beach, but a bit less so when the vodka Red Bulls are flowingly freely at strip bars, then again, scamper off before the Great Mufti decided to crush you like desert beetle you are.

This blog is for 100 per cent, straight up, eight trey gangsta Islamic fundamentalists, yo!

Read here of daring tales of bravery in the lands of jihad!

Come for the latest fatwas and clerical rulings on issues of the day -

Today's ruling - in response to the vile Lohan/Spiers episodes, women found to be going 'commando' under their burqas shall be placed in front of a wall and the wall shall be toppled upon them by a bulldozer, rather than face 156 lashes and a partial stoning, as previously was done. The purchase or construction of the wall is the responsibility of the male relatives of the criminal woman.

This blog shall be updated every Saturday, and occasionally in between if the situation allows/demands it. Given I am often somewhat indisposed to posting by the very nature of jihad - despite what Time magazine might have you believe, we don't get wireless in our cave warrens - my brother in jihad Abu Al-Al-Kul-Jay will sometimes do my duties for me.

Abu Al-Al is a true lion of the Mujahideen, having vowed not to rest until the crusaders have been defeated in the Land Between The Two Rivers And South of The Mountains But North Of The Sea and driven back to their homeland, whereupon we Mujahideen shall spill out from out holy jihadi submarines (a work in progress) and rampage across the land slaying the kufr wherever he lurks, and imposing sharia law on the most corrupt and depraved of all the nations.

Al-Al has a particular dislike of churches and often speaks enthusiastically of how he shall defile churches by seizing young cross-god whorelings and taking their honour on the altar of these houses of blasphemy. Once, on a flight from Boston to New York (not THAT one, silly!) we saw a promotional videogram presentation for a mega-church in Topeka, Kansas, where many blonde-haired and blue-eyed young cross god whorelings were pictured singing the Satanic lullabies of their false religion.

Leaning over to me, with a fierce glint in his eye, Abu Al-Al-Kul-Jay whispered - "This is the church I shall defile first, and these cross god whorelings shall be my slaves!"

I have to admit, I was a bit disturbed by it at the time, but LO!, every man fights jihad in his own way, and Abu Al-Al has chosen his path.

On many a clear morning on the lands of jihad, I have awoken early for the extra prayers I perform - a good Muslim should pray five times a day, but I like to squeeze in up to 20 sessions if I can - and have been happily sharpening my good beheading knife while listening to the rhythmic rustle of Al-Al in his sleeping bag 'practising' for the day he can defile the cross god whorelings in the mega church in Topeka. I tell you, when we do get to Topeka, the kufr fathers had best kill their daughters well in advance of our arrival, because Abu Al-Al has certainly been getting plenty of practice in!

With that image in my mind, I bid you farewell and urge you never to stray from the path of jihad.

Although I consider him a bit moderate in his views, one of the more tolerant of we jihadis, I shall leave you with the words of my mentor, Abdullah Azzam - "No dialogue, no negotiations, no protests, no marches, no signatures, no petitions, no effigy burnings; jihad and the rifle alone."

(You'll note he doesn't mention blogging ...)